Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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