dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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