I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
