Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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