Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
