Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just want nice things and good sex
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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