No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
