she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
