i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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