I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
