5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
