How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
