This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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