I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
