Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
