I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I love you. Go after that dick
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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