speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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