Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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