come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
