dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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