Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
well you can't waste a boner
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
