We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
