i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
