Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
