Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
