I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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