Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
