fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
