Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
