smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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