He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
