She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
