just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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