i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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