i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Shame - the story of my life.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
