I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm at about main and main street
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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