so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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