Whod you bang
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
