I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
