I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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