My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
