I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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