i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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