One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
