Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
