Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
