I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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