Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
