Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
