I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
