I want to have your abortion
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
