farters have to be the big spoon...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
