i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize