I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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