When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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