He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
