i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
