There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
