I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
