last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
