So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
