I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
