I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
