We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she pinky promised me she was 18
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
