Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
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how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
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I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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