if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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