just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
