Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
