her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
