and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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