Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
no you cant smoke seaweed
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
