Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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