One girl and one boy is just not enough.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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