I faked an abortion last night.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
