I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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